Match Game PM (Stars Who Never Appeared)
Here I am doing some Match Game episodes of stars who never appeared, or could've made many more apperances than they did.) Here is our first episode.
*MG Opening Cue Plays*
Johnny Olson: Get ready to Match the Stars, Alan Alda, Brett Somers, Charles Nelson Reilly, Marion Ross, Richard Dawson, and Fannie Flagg, as we play the star studded Big Money Match Game PM.
*Main Theme Plays*
Johnny: And Now here's the star of Match Game PM, Gene Rayburn.
Gene: Thank you. Thank you and welcome to Match Game PM. The crazies are out tonight.
Alan: Who You Callin Crazy
Richard: I've seen your character. You should be in the Royal Canadian Institute for the Mentally Insane.
*Laughs and Applause*
Alan: Was that an insult
Brett: I think it was.
Gene: Hey, thats not the way to welcome one of our new kids here on Match Game, Alan Alda, and Marion Ross. Welcome
Alan: It's great to be here. Our little person on our staff said it was a nuthouse here, so I decided to check it out, and here I am.
Gene: Yes, and here is this lovely lady who we see every week on Happy Days Marion Ross
Marion: It's great to be here
Gene: Just watch out for that man next to you.
Gene: Let's meet our players, John Gunstone and Lucille Anderson. John please tell us about yourself.
John: Well I'm from Milwaukee Wisconsin, I'm retired, I have a wife, 2 kids, and 5 grandchildren. And I'm glad to be here.
Gene: Well that's good. Lucille
Lucille: Well, I'm also retired, I live in Port Angeles Washington. I have 3 kids, 7 Grandchildren, 2 more on the way, and I will soon be relocating to Twin Falls Idaho.
Gene: Well, maybe you can win and get some money to help out.
Alan: That was the plan.
Gene: All right, let's begin. We have 3 rounds. That's 3 oppritunities to Match each of our celebrities. Whoever has the most at the end of the 3 rounds, will be the winner. That person will go on to play for over $10,000. John A or B.
Gene: B it is. Here we go. Mike said "I think my neighbors hate me. One of them just put a _________ in my car."
*Think Cue 1*
Marion: Interesting question.
Gene: All right, John Mike said "I think my neighbors hate me. One of them just put a _________ in my car."
Gene: Bomb. Alan what did you say.
Alan: You would have to light it first. I said a Boa Constrictor.
Gene: Yeah it would choke him, Brett what did you say.
Brett: I said they put a thing under my brakes.
Gene: Yeah, that could be a disaster. Charles
Charles: I said he put Whoopee Cushion
*buzzer and laughs*
Gene: Wow. That would be a little embarrasing. All right we move over to Marion Ross.
Marion: I said a Hidden Camera and a Microphone
Alan: I've seen a Lot of those on M*A*S*H. Colonel Flagg
Fannie: No relation whatsoever. He's a nut.
Richard: Tell me about it. He was in the Royal Canadian Institute for the Mentally Insane. He checked out in 1973.
Gene: Did he really?
Richard: Yes, you wonder why everyone says we're going hell.
Gene: What did you say.
Richard: A Bomb!
*dings and applause*
*dings and applause*
Gene: All right you got 2 there. Here's your question Lucille. Here we go. Brooke said "I went to Richard Dawson's party. A Week later, I was still ____________"
*Think Cue 2 Plays*
Charles: That was one helluva night.
Brett: No kidding.
Gene: All right, Lucille, Brooke said "I went to Richard Dawson's party. A Week later, I was still ____________"
Gene: Drunk is an excellent response. Alan
Alan: I remember some of those parties at the officers club on M*A*S*H. Even a month later, we were still Drunk.
Gene: Charles, what did you say
Charles: I said high!
Gene: That's interesting. She used something else I guess, Marion.
Marion: No offense to Mr. Dawson, but Bored.
Gene: No surprise, Richard Dawson, the truth comes out
Richard: Yup. She was Pregnant.
*buzzer and laughs*
Gene: Wow, that's an interesting experience.
Richard: Very religious.
Gene: All right, we will see how this game will end. It is 3-2. Round 2 is coming up after this message.
*Round 2 will Come Sometime this Weekend*
Gene: Here we go Round #2. Lucille you are ahead, you go first.
Gene: Here we go with B. Marie said "My Boyfriend tries to everything the hard way. He just tried to scratch his back with his _______"
*Think Cue 3 Plays*
Gene: Alan, Brett and Fannie do not write, Charles, Marion and Richard do.
Alan: I am glad I do not write.
Gene: OK, Lucille, Marie said "My Boyfriend tries to everything the hard way. He just tried to scratch his back with his _______"
Gene: All right. Charles what did you say.
Gene: Marion Ross said
Gene: That actually could be possible for some people. Richard what did you say.
Richard: He loved trying it the hard way so he scratched it with his car.
Gene: All right. Well you picked up none there. Here's John's question. Richard and Fannie will not write. Everyone else will. You've all heard the song Spark by The Church. Well the reason they wrote that song was because Marty's _______ Caught Fire
*psychedelic think cue plays*
Alan: Marty's _____ Caught Fire
Richard: Congratulations you know something.
Charles: More than Brett's ever knew
Gene: Hurry up Charles. You're slow
Charles: You have a problem with it? Wanna take it to court.
Gene: I'd win. I'm famous.
Charles: So am I. It would never end.
Gene: Let's just go to the question. John. You've all heard the song Spark by The Church. Well the reason they wrote that song was because Marty's _______ Caught Fire
Gene: Guitar. He's an excellent guitar player. Alan what did you say.
Alan: Well I said his amp. Is that a Match?
Gene: No. You plug a guitar into an amp. But they're two totally different things. Brett
Brett: He has a great beard. Too bad that's gone now. I said beard.
Gene: That would really hurt. Could kill ya. Charles
Charles: His guitar.
Gene: Good job Charles. Marion
Gene: All right. You have 4. Lucille has 3. John you get to go first now because you're ahead. Make a selection.
Gene: OK. Absent Minded Andy had another bad Day. He drove his fireplace and set fire to his ________
*think cue 2 plays*
Gene: OK, Absent Minded Andy had another bad Day. He drove his fireplace and set fire to his ________
Gene: OK Alan.
Gene: Brett do you have a car?
Brett: Sure do. Car
Gene: All right. Lucille. You need to match Charles, Marion and Richard. Gary said "I tried asking my boss for a raise. He chased me out of his office with ______"
*think cue 3 plays*
Gene: All right Gary said "I tried asking my boss for a raise. He chased me out of his office with ______"
Lucille: A Gun
Gene: All right. A gun Charles.
Charles: I said The Hounds.
Gene: John wins the game. Marion and Richard said Gun. Oh well. Lucille we enjoyed having you here. Please enjoy some parting gifts, and we thank you for being here on Match Game PM. Goodbye. Super Match after this message.
*Super Match Will Come before Thursday*
Gene: John Gunstone won the game and is trying for over $10,000. You ready
Gene: Well forget it.
Gene: Nah, here we go. We polled a recent studio audience and said write down your best answer to this
Gene: Now, give us the answer they wrote down most often you get
Gene: $500, second one worth $250.
Gene: And the third $100
Gene: 3 out of 6 of those stars can help you.
Richard: What we see Alan have on M*A*S*H, a Sex Face.
Alan: If you were in a war in a depressing time, and there were nurses, you'd have the same look.
Richard: I have that look all the time
Marion: Just don't show it. I still have many years to live.
Marion: Eyes Without a Face.
Gene: That's a great song. Eyes Without a Face.
Richard: les yeux sans visage. Meet me tonight.
Gene: That's eep opp ork aha.
Richard: Eyes Without a Face.
Alan: Any other translations we need to go over.
Richard: Kum Ba Ya
Fannie: Who Knows?
Gene: One More.
Alan: I would say another thing I have on M*A*S*H which everybody knows about...
Richard: I already said Sex Face.
Alan: I was thinking more of Poker Face.
Gene: All right you Got Poker Face, Sex Face, and Eyes Without a Face
Gene: All Right, is Poker face under the $100 response.
Gene: Face to Face. All right what's under the $250
Gene: Eyes Without a Face.
Richard: Here comes the Sex Face
Gene: Is there a Sex Face Under the $500 response
Gene: It's Poker Face. I'm Sorry
Alan: Gene, he got it right.
Gene: Oh. Well, Nobody's Perfect
Richard: Can I take Over
Gene: No. All right, well. You have $5,000. You can add another with this
Gene: All right, Choose 3 Celebrities.
Charles: Atlantic Ocean.
Gene: All right you got Indian, Atlantic, and Pacific.
Gene: All right let's see the $100 response
Gene: Arctic Ocean. All right let's see the $250 response.
Gene: Pacific Ocean. All right, let's see the $500 response.
Gene: You've got it. Now you're playing for $10,000. Choose a celebrity.
John: Richard Dawson.
Gene: All right Richard you get ready to write. Here is the $10,000 Question. Here we go ________DOUGH.
*Super Match Cue Plays*
Gene: _________DOUGH. All right. He's finished. Give us an answer which you think will match Richard Dawson. ________DOUGH
John: Tic Tac Dough.
Gene: I used to host that back in the 50's. Well, what did Mr. Dawson say. For $10,000
Richard: Mr. Dawson? Thank you Gene. Does this mean we can still go to the prom?
Gene: I'm afraid not.
Richard: Cookie Dough.
Gene: Well. You have $1,000. It's not a total loss. Well, we thank you for playing Match Game PM. Goodbye. We'll be back after this message.
Gene: Well, this was a great show. See you next time on Match Game PM.
The panel will be Jim Lange, BS, CNR, Carol Burnett, RD, BW.
Johnny Olson: Get ready to match the stars Jim Lange, Brett Somers, Charles Nelson Reilly, Carol Burnett, Richard Dawson, And Betty White as we play the Star Studded Big Money Match Game PM.*
And now here's the star of Match Game PM, Geeeeennneee Rayburn.
Gene; Welcome. All right. Here is our panel, who just got out of the psyciatric division of UCLA. They were all patients
Richard: No I was at Tom's place. Then to Dick's, Then to Harry's then to prison.
Gene: That last part I believe. Well, let's say hello to Carol Burnett and Jim Lange, our new bodies.*
Brett: Not new.
Gene: You're much older than both of 'em
Brett: Not by much.
Richard: You call 100 years not by much?
*laughs and applause*
Gene: it's gonna be another one of those days I can tell. Welcome Carol, here's a kiss
Carol: Thank you.
Gene: And here is a guy we see on The Dating Game, Jim Lange.
Jim: Thank you. This is gonna be a great experience. I love your show.
Gene: Thanks. I never cared for yours.
Richard: Oh THAT Jim Lange. Yeah I was on that show.
Gene: That's right. Lowest rated episode in TV ever. Let's say hello to Don Shores and Virgina Davis. Would you introduce yourselves
Don: I'm from Gleneden Beach Oregon. I'm 67, I'm retired, I've been married 45 years to the same woman, and I'm here to have a good time.
Gene: Well that's nice. His name is Don Shores and he lives in Gleneden Beach.
Gene: Virginia, would you tell us about yourself.
Virginia: I'm Virginia Davis
Jim: We know that.
Gene: THAT'S MY LINE!!! Continue
Virginia: I live in New York. I've been married 20 years, and I teach Geometry and Algebra 2.
Gene: All right. Here on Match Game PM You Have 3. 1-2-3 that's for Mr. Dawson who's learning how to count.
Gene: Wrong. So you have 3 opportunities to match as many of THOSE as you possibly can. The one of you who does that the most at the end of the. What number round Richard
Richard: 3. See I've learned.
Gene: Betty's help doesn't count. Gets to play for over $10,000. Don, you make the first selection.
Gene: Don chooses B. Shane accidently burnt his house down. He left ______ in the oven
*Think Cue 1*
Richard: That's why that housefire
Gene: All right*Shane accidently burnt his house down. He left ______ in the oven
Gene: Don says Cookies. Jim, what did you Jim Lange
Jim: Cookies are good. But my mother wouldn't let me have any until I finished my Casserole.
Gene: There's the Answer. All right Brett
Gene: There we go. You too are getting smarter.
Richard: I've always been smarter.*
Gene: Yeah, nobody likes nerds. Just kidding. We love you Richard. Charles
Charles: You know. As opposed to Brett, I actually match the contestants. He left cookies in the oven. *ding* and his house is ashes.
Gene: All right. Good job Charles. Don ya got one. Carol.
Carol: I said Cookies
Gene: All right Richard.
Richard: Well, there's trying to match the contestant, but you also got to think smart. Casserole
Brett: Oh quit trying to sound smart.
Richard: At least I know how.
*laughs and applause*
Gene: Betty, do you have cookies
Betty: I prefer Pies.
Gene: All right, Virginia here's yours. Jen said "It's tough being married to a doctor. Every night not only does he tell me to get undressed, he tells me to_________"
[URL=http://www.gameshowthemesongs.net/sounds/Match%20Game/mgcowbell.mp3]*think cue 2*
Gene: All right here we go. Virginia, Jen said "It's tough being married to a doctor. Every night not only does he tell me to get undressed, he tells me to_________"
Gene: She said Cough. Jim, what did you say
Brett: He told her to breathe.
Gene: She might be doing that EASY. Charles
Charles: I said Cough.*
Gene: All right, what did Carol Say
Gene: All right. Richard is laughing. Why are you laughing.
Richard: You're gonna love this answer.
Gene: What did you say?
Richard: Bend over
*Gene falls on ground*
Richard: It's very obvious why.
Gene: No one cares. Betty
Gene: we have a 3-1 game now, round 2 after this
Gene: Hello. Welcome back. I press this button. Boing. Wow that's a lovely Round 2 sign. Let's use it.
Richard: Yeah, How 'Bout Not.
Gene: I'll just ignore you while Virginia makes her selection
Gene: Virginia says B. Here's the question. Dumb Dora is SO Dumb
Audience and Panel: How Dumb Was She
Richard: Next rehearsal Tonight at 6. Don't be late.
Gene: I've got other plans. Dumb Dora was so dumb!
Audience: How dumb was she.
Richard: See you're learning. Continue Gene.
Gene: Her boat was sinking so she threw her _______ Overboard
*Think Cue 3. Plays*
Gene: Jim, Charles and Betty don't write. The rest do
Jim: I know when I'm not wanted
*Walks of Stage*
Gene: No!!! Get back here
Richard: I'm wanted. That blonde in the front row. I'll call you at later.
Gene: She's not interested. Trust me.
Richard: Are you available*
Blonde Chick: I'm engaged
Richard: Audience practice is cancelled so I can flee the country
Gene: You don't have a passport. You're screwed.
Richard: What funeral parlor is well-price
Brett: You're Funeral wouldn't be worth much.
Richard: You're's is free. No one would show up.
Richard: We do love Brett.
Gene: We do
Richard: but we use narcotics. That's the only thing that works to put up with her.
Gene: Don't you have to run from that woman's boyfriend*
Richard: That's right. Well off I go.
Gene: No you stay. All right Virginia. Dumb Dora is SO dumb
Audience: How Dumb is She
Richard: Bravo. Now next.....
Gene: QUIET! Her boat was sinking so she threw her _______ Overboard
Gene: She threw herself overboard.
Richard: She took lessons from Brett after all.
Brett: I resent that comment
Charles: I don't
Brett: I said self.
Gene: Virginia has 4. Carol, what did you say.
Carol: She threw herself overboard.
Gene: 5, Richard do you make it 6?
Richard: I'm going to die soon. I don't have a passport. And i think
Someone broke into my car and stole it. I also didn't match. She threw her Oars overboard.
Gene: You could apologize.
Richard: But am I really sorry?
Gene: Probably not. Don. Here's your question. Carol does bot write. She is wanted too. Chuck the mechanic said "This car is busted. This owner put ________ in instead of Oil
*think cue 1*
Richard: Must've been Dumb Dora's car.
Charles: I think it was Brett's
Gene:,Chuck the mechanic said "This car is busted. This owner put ________ in instead of Oil
Gene: You could've done better. Jim, what did you say?
Jim: I said Hot Fudge.
Gene: That's thick. Like oil. You got the idea. Brett
Brett: I said a Banana Milkshake.
Gene: That's thick. Charles
Charles: Well, I actually said Gasoline.
Gene: All right. You got 2 now, Richard
Richard: I said the wrong oil.
Gene: Wow. Betty do you have a good answer
Betty: Brett copied my answer. Milkshake.
Gene: All right. Virginia. Richard is the only one that writes. Richard Dawson said. You read it.
Richard: All right. Why was 4 jealous of 5. Because 5 had 6 with 7.*
Gene: I knew you couldn't do it.
Richard: I just met a Beautiful girl and am really in love. So I had her face tattooed on my _______
*think cue 2**
Gene: All right.*I just met a Beautiful girl and am really in love. So I had her face tattooed on my _______
Gene: Chest. Richard the moment of truth is here.
Richard: Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Gene: Because 7 8 9. Get on with it
Gene: Here we go with our final question. Larry had dinner with a woman who was ______
*Think Cue 3. Plays*
Gene: Here we go. Don you say
Jim: I said a hooker
Gene: Gotta match the rest. Brett
Gene: Virginia wins the game. Come on down here. All right. Don, you're a great guy and we have some parting gifts here from Match Game PM Goodbye. You stand by, we have some*Messages for America